The Writing Process:
I usually write according to the 5 step process. I feel like the 5 step process helps me organize my thoughts and feelings. I first start by brainstorming; this step lets me organize my thoughts.
This is the brainstorm for my story with a short twist at the end. Here, I am brainstorming the different twists that I can place at the end of the story. I am also thinking of the different twists that could happen.
After brainstorming, I would finalize my ideas by deleting ones that I feel like aren’t good enough to be written. I would also add ideas that come up later, this process is done by deleting some ideas and adding more ideas.
I went ahead and went with the twist that none of it was real. Afterwards, I would spend a good chunk of time writing the rough draft.
After writing a rough draft, I would usually get my peers to peer edit for me. They would see my essay from an outside perspective. They would see errors that I couldn’t see when I proofread, and would often give me suggestions for better vocabulary.
After peer editing, I would work on the final draft which would include some of the changes that my peers suggested.
Here is the final draft, which includes all the peer editing that is done by my classmates.
The chilly winter wind whistled through the crisp morning air. As I breath, my breath lingers before it dissipates. I hold the ticket in my hand, the taste of the bitter black coffee from the KFC I sleep behind still in my mouth. I clasp my hands together trying to feel some kind of warmth. I’m standing before one of the electronic stores in town – this one’s chased me away several times, but I still get a few minutes of the news each morning before they drive me away. I check the numbers on the screen again and again in disbelief. “I… I’ve won,” I whisper to myself, a grin I thought I’d never see again starts spreading from ear to ear. “There’s no way I just won the lottery, the Mega Millions Jackpot!”
A man walking by stops and moves next to me as he hears my claim. He leans closer towards me his eyes darting from my ticket to the TV to check my claim. Suddenly In an instant, I’m worried he might try to take the winning ticket from me, but he instead smiles as well and holds his hand out to me.
“I’d like to shake your hand, sir! I’ve never met a millionaire before!”
I gingerly reach out and shake his hand, the warmth of human touch something I haven’t felt in a long time.
“Thanks. Do you know where I’m supposed to go with this? Can I just take it back to the convenience store I bought it at?”
“I think so. I’ve never bought one myself, to be honest. But I might start now!”
The man nods before turning to leave, and I watch him walk for a while before my attention is back on the ticket. Warmth fills my body slowly. In no time, I think of the crippling debt that I’ve been running from. It can be handled quickly with this fortune. I think of the motel… no, hotel… no, apartment… no wait, the mansion I can afford to buy to live in that will finally put an end to my nights of sleeping behind a KFC in a dumpster.
I think of how my life is about to change, for the better. Setting off to the convenience store I bought the ticket from, I quickly enter. The heat hits me immediately, replacing the brittle chill with warmth. I stood there waiting for the cashier to take notice of me.
“Look, pal, you gotta buy something or get out of here. And don’t stand out front, either. It’s bad for business having you lot begging customers for money. Why not go get a job or something, huh? You ever think about that?”
I think about the 20 years I spent at my job before they had to let me go due to downsizing. The lack of a decent severance package, no warning about losing my livelihood, and the overall state of the economy at the time I was let go all led to me not being able to land another job and losing everything. Once I was forced onto the streets I knew no one would hire me. All I’ve got in this world are the clothes on my back and this one little ticket. A ticket that could easily change my life.
“I’m actually here to cash this, or do whatever I’m supposed to in order to get the prize money.”
“Bud, winning 5 dollars isn’t going to turn your life around. The ticket costs 3 dollars already, so really you’re just wasting your time” the man says as he scans the ticket, his voice trails off after seeing the prize amount displayed on the small screen.
“It’s more than 5 dollars, isn’t it?” I say, unable to contain my happiness.
“It’s… you’ve…how?”
“Just lucky I guess,” I say with a smile.
The man’s on the phone in less than a minute, calling his superiors to figure out how to handle everything on his end. It’s likely he’s never had this happen before. I turn my attention towards the convenience store wares, wondering if I should buy some food with my prize money before I set out to pay back my debt and look at mansions for sale in the area. My whole body shivers and shakes, it’s suddenly freezing cold, “did the heating just cut out?” I shout out to the clerk. Somehow, my voice was stuck, I tried shouting, but it was no use, no sound would come out. All of a sudden, a bitter cold snuck up both my legs and I’ve lost my footing, I fall facefirst into a pile of snow and the cold engulfs me. The last thing I smell is the fragrance of fried chicken before I ascend to the pearly gates.
Reflection: This piece was written after I decided to write a story using the twist “it was all in his head”. I just continued writing according to the twist “it was all in his head”. Afterwards, I remember reading about the lottery so I decided to write with those 2 ideas in mind.
Jacob's College Writing Blog 
I find your piece really interesting as you seem to describe the story and details in an intricate way. Though I did not understand your ending at first, after reading it a few times I seem to understand it better. This leads to how you should do your ending, as it seem so abrupt and with little context clues, it could be hard for the audience to understand the ending. Other than that little flaw you could work on, the piece you have put together is a great read and I hope you keep up the good work.
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Jacob, I enjoyed reading your twist story as the ending was unexpected and unforeseen. The twist didn’t come until the last few sentences, which brought to your writing high intensity and shock. However, although your ending was startling, you could have added a bit more depth into it. Rather than just throwing a twist into your story, it may be helpful to add minor details or dialogue which relates to the final act of your story. Overall, your writing is organized and interesting, but there could be more depth to your twist and content. Keep up the good work.
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Jacob, what a wonderful imagination you have. I never would’ve imagined that your main character was going to die of frostbite. I really enjoyed reading your paper and I enjoyed how creative you were with your writing. I also like how you were able to add dialogue to your story. I am a big fan of your work and am excited to see what else you will write in the future.
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Some nice details here, but also a few small proofreading errors. The ending really made me rethink what happened at the end. I suppose he’s dying of hypothermia, perhaps?
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